Hey! Or maybe I should just say hi, hi like the first time we spoke.

I will never deny that I have and will always be a hopeless romantic. I picture music, passion, and fairytales when I think of love. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I am unable to let go of this despite all the ways that I have witnessed the opposite.

Around the time before I saw you, I had had enough. I had just found a way to pick myself back up after I had once again been shown what it felt like to chase someone who did not choose me and who didn’t see me. I was experiencing what felt like another flop moment, and at that point, I had honestly had enough. I committed myself to my books and only looked up at my friends and work.

I was fine. Things weren’t perfect, but I was fine.

Then I saw you.

Truthfully, I feel silly writing this. It almost feels embarrassing to admit the effect that one look had on me. I knew nothing about you, but I wanted to know everything.

Suddenly, our one-second eye contact-ship became the highlight of my days. I found myself cemented in places where I knew there was a possibility of seeing you. I once walked with my head down, but now it was high.

It was kind of all-consuming, leading me to believe it would disappear as quickly and sharply as it had come to me. So, I sat patiently and waited for the feelings to pass.

They did not.

Social media. A dangerous tool but a tool nonetheless. I asked for access to your world, and you accepted. And finally, it happened.

“Hi”

It is laughable how happy that interaction left me. How I thought about it for days. I can not deny it; speaking to you made me happy.

Anytime after that, I would be grateful for a moment, any moment that I could get to speak to you. Regardless of the duration, content, or reason. Time and place – I was there. I even wondered if I had ever liked anyone because no one had ever made me feel like this.

I created a space where you could comfortably occupy my thoughts. A space of stillness in my busy mind.

The truth is that I was scared; I am still scared. I had seen the worse sides of the game of love, and I wondered if my heart was truly capable of dealing with disappointment again. My cowardly self was too scared to explore because I feared that reality would shatter the last person to make me excited about the possibility of ever finding a lover.

In my defense, I always told myself that I would say this to you. I promised myself that the next time I saw you, I would take courage, embrace it, and speak my truth. Funny, after I made this promise, I never saw you again.

So here I am, writing a declaration—words I have always wanted to say but have been too scared to admit.

I think you are beautiful. It is true. I have never seen someone look so good; honestly, it is mind-boggling. Every time I saw you, my chest would tighten, and my breathing would become a manual action I needed to consciously partake in. Contrastingly, I always felt a calmness and safety that would result in me wanting to tell you everything and also wishing to know everything.

That is another thing. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to hear everything about you. I wanted to know what made you happy, sad, angry. I wanted to know what made you, you.

Now, I hope I don’t come off as crazy. I want you to know that I worked extra hard at not imagining who you could be. I wanted to genuinely know you. I hope this does not scare you. I hope it does not make you want to deter me. It is unlikely that our paths will ever cross again. I wanted to thank you because I never knew what it felt like to really crush on someone, to be undeniably attracted to someone.

To the stranger who consumed my life for a moment in time, I genuinely wish you all the best. I hope you know that you have a silent fan cheering you on as you do whatever you have always wanted to do.

I also release you. I release you because I realize I deserve to find someone who thinks of me this way.

Because I can love like this means that I deserve a love like that.